It's 12:08am and I've just arrived home after sharing lagers and chicken wings with 4 remarkable 20 somethings. Tyler Butel, Nick Olson, Bonnie Casella, Eric Goud. Take a bow. This time tomorrow these 4 fearless folk will be 30000 feet up on their way to Calcutta. From there Nick is really hoping his buddy comes through because "he might have to work the night shift and he really needs to give us a ride."
For those of you who don't know, for the next 6 weeks, these Fab 4 are heading to a remote part of India to help Ray McMillan and his mission. To me, these guys are living examples of the kind of thing I wrote about in my previous post. Instead of doing the SECURE thing (working) they are using $4000+ of their own money to invest in something much bigger then conventional wisdom. In short, they are living their lives. And I have nothing but respect for each one of them. Nice job guys. I pray dozens follow in your footsteps.
John
P.S. Speaking of security, this morning I announced my resignation to the church. We've decided to follow our dreams and travel the world for a year. We leave September 20! I'll write about it soon.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Fear sucks. So does security.
15 days. This thing's not the easiest thing to keep current. Sorry to my 4 readers.
Anyways, I've had some thoughts running suicides in my head as of late so I figure its time I got them out. They'll be disjointed. But so is your mom.
Fear
Growing up I feared my own shadow. Sure it was my size but it was dark and juxtaposed, plus it followed me everywhere. It wasn't just that though. One time some friends of mine convinced me there was a midget living 1000 yards from my house in some old pipes. The midget was small but mean as the dread pirate robert. Even worse, he was always listening, which meant if I told my parents he'd slit my throat while I slept. I wasted two weeks living in mortal fear until one night I couldn't take it anymore and I burst. When I awoke the next morning I realized the midget couldn't read thoughts or. . . my friends were lying bastards. The midget was never found, so I'm pretty sure it was the latter. Paul Quilliams was a mean little man. But I love him now, especially his drawings.
As I grew up and became a man I disobeyed the bible and didn't leave childish things behind me. I still lived in fear, although, now I feared injury, illness, needles and heights. As a result, I was ineffective at hockey, a wimp with the flu, I couldn't donate the blood that was apparently "in me to give" but even worse, I never experienced the pleasures of balcony life. If you think those are silly, I also feared other people's opinions of me, never finding a girlfriend, and my walk. It was a silly walk. Still is for the most part. "For the last time, no, there is not a broom up there."
Time passed, as time does, and I finally met a girl who fancied my nose. I felt like the luckiest man alive, still do actually. I was in my 2o's now so you'd think fear would have been a forgotten part of my youth. But it managed to keep following me. Manifesting itself in other more "adult" ways. Rides at the midway for instance (ok, so not so adult), walking home in the dark, getting in a fight, dying of a heart attack. The list goes on. At least I was funny. Yeah, that's about all I had going for me. Because the truth is: I was a timid, yellow bellied coward. Courage was NOT my middle name. It was George. Like the monkey.
I turned 28. As the year began, something was different. Like my brain had suddenly realized 30 was no longer a lifetime away. The next few months were dominated by conflicted thoughts. The thoughts grew in intensity until finally they burst. One night, I had a full blown panic attack and the attacks continued on and off for 2 months. At the time, I thought I was dying, that my heart really was being attacked - just as I had feared for so long. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't think. I even checked my blood pressure on the machines at Safeway every day fearing the end was near. I was trapped. Caught up in a fear box. And it was quickly being nailed shut. As scared as I was I finally realized my life literally depended on my getting it together. So I did the unthinkable.
I looked fear in the eye and didn't avert. In that moment, I think for the first time, I saw fear for what it was. A scarecrow. Mean veneer, nothing inside. I realized I had lived my entire life fearing straw.
Since that realization I've made a life, literally, by confronting my fears. Embarassingly so, sometimes. To cure my fear of needles and nausea, I actually went to the hospital ER and just. . .walked around. I booked a doctors appointment and requested that they take blood. I went to the carnival and went on all the rides. I went to highrises, road up to the highest floor and for the first time enjoyed the pleasures of balcony life. Last month I went SKYDIVING in South Carolina which for someone with my FEAR history, was a miracle.
The point is, I no longer live in fear. In fact, most of the time I live fearless. I'm convinced half of the 4 people who read this thing, live in fear of something. Don't do that! You have 1 life to live and have never been assured it'll last 90 years.
I am convinced the god of this age is not money, but SECURITY. Financial, physical, emotional, spiritual. We work and live to be secure and why do we do that? No where in scripture will you ever find Jesus living to be secure. If anything, his lack of security is what got him killed. Jesus was fearless KNOWING he did not have 90 years. So he lived his life for today.
Besides, what would you gain if you secured the world but in the end lost your soul?
John
Anyways, I've had some thoughts running suicides in my head as of late so I figure its time I got them out. They'll be disjointed. But so is your mom.
Fear
Growing up I feared my own shadow. Sure it was my size but it was dark and juxtaposed, plus it followed me everywhere. It wasn't just that though. One time some friends of mine convinced me there was a midget living 1000 yards from my house in some old pipes. The midget was small but mean as the dread pirate robert. Even worse, he was always listening, which meant if I told my parents he'd slit my throat while I slept. I wasted two weeks living in mortal fear until one night I couldn't take it anymore and I burst. When I awoke the next morning I realized the midget couldn't read thoughts or. . . my friends were lying bastards. The midget was never found, so I'm pretty sure it was the latter. Paul Quilliams was a mean little man. But I love him now, especially his drawings.
As I grew up and became a man I disobeyed the bible and didn't leave childish things behind me. I still lived in fear, although, now I feared injury, illness, needles and heights. As a result, I was ineffective at hockey, a wimp with the flu, I couldn't donate the blood that was apparently "in me to give" but even worse, I never experienced the pleasures of balcony life. If you think those are silly, I also feared other people's opinions of me, never finding a girlfriend, and my walk. It was a silly walk. Still is for the most part. "For the last time, no, there is not a broom up there."
Time passed, as time does, and I finally met a girl who fancied my nose. I felt like the luckiest man alive, still do actually. I was in my 2o's now so you'd think fear would have been a forgotten part of my youth. But it managed to keep following me. Manifesting itself in other more "adult" ways. Rides at the midway for instance (ok, so not so adult), walking home in the dark, getting in a fight, dying of a heart attack. The list goes on. At least I was funny. Yeah, that's about all I had going for me. Because the truth is: I was a timid, yellow bellied coward. Courage was NOT my middle name. It was George. Like the monkey.
I turned 28. As the year began, something was different. Like my brain had suddenly realized 30 was no longer a lifetime away. The next few months were dominated by conflicted thoughts. The thoughts grew in intensity until finally they burst. One night, I had a full blown panic attack and the attacks continued on and off for 2 months. At the time, I thought I was dying, that my heart really was being attacked - just as I had feared for so long. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't think. I even checked my blood pressure on the machines at Safeway every day fearing the end was near. I was trapped. Caught up in a fear box. And it was quickly being nailed shut. As scared as I was I finally realized my life literally depended on my getting it together. So I did the unthinkable.
I looked fear in the eye and didn't avert. In that moment, I think for the first time, I saw fear for what it was. A scarecrow. Mean veneer, nothing inside. I realized I had lived my entire life fearing straw.
Since that realization I've made a life, literally, by confronting my fears. Embarassingly so, sometimes. To cure my fear of needles and nausea, I actually went to the hospital ER and just. . .walked around. I booked a doctors appointment and requested that they take blood. I went to the carnival and went on all the rides. I went to highrises, road up to the highest floor and for the first time enjoyed the pleasures of balcony life. Last month I went SKYDIVING in South Carolina which for someone with my FEAR history, was a miracle.
The point is, I no longer live in fear. In fact, most of the time I live fearless. I'm convinced half of the 4 people who read this thing, live in fear of something. Don't do that! You have 1 life to live and have never been assured it'll last 90 years.
I am convinced the god of this age is not money, but SECURITY. Financial, physical, emotional, spiritual. We work and live to be secure and why do we do that? No where in scripture will you ever find Jesus living to be secure. If anything, his lack of security is what got him killed. Jesus was fearless KNOWING he did not have 90 years. So he lived his life for today.
Besides, what would you gain if you secured the world but in the end lost your soul?
John
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Sam Harris
This is what sets Sam Harris apart from other Athiests. He doesn't allow his hate for religion, and he has a lot, to deny the possibility of the sacred. In fact, in this speech he encourages his fellow athiests not to make the same mistake. He recieved a great deal of flack for saying what he did - from athiests.
While I don't agree with many things Harris says, I do find his quest for reason admirable and I believe Christians, if they can grow thicker skin, stand to learn a lot from the things he says.
John
While I don't agree with many things Harris says, I do find his quest for reason admirable and I believe Christians, if they can grow thicker skin, stand to learn a lot from the things he says.
John
More Smatterings
* The Calgary Herald weather dude called for Sunny and 18 today. Right now it's a whiteout and Angie actually had to turn back from driving the kids to school because as she described it "I was driving through 2 feet of snow, sliding in and out of lanes, and I can't see a thing." Now I understand that weather is subject to the elements, hell, weather is the elements, but how can a guy whose life calling is to report the weather - be that far off. I'm thinking he phoned today's forecast in.
* Water treatment plants are crucial to insuring that the water of every village, town and city is safe and most importantly, drinkable. Calgary's is consistently the best in the biz but nothing prepared it or anyone else for what they found 2 days ago. Go here to find out.
* If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I’d say Flippy, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong, though. It’s Hambone.”
* The Calgary Flames won last night, beating the Sharks 3-2. For the third year in a row I've picked the Sharks to win it all and I've even gone so far as to bet money on it by choosing half Sharks in my hockey pool. They lost though. To the Flames. *$%$*.
* New Kids on the block are making a comeback. They want their posters back hanging tough.
* For the fifth year in a row, the teens and I are participating in World Vision's 30 hr Famine. Every year we've increased our funds topping out last year at $5000. Our goal this year is to beat that, and we're off to a good start. One of the participants has already raised $1000 himself.
* Sara and Josiah, funniest friends ever, are coming over tomorrow night to watch There Will be Blood. Every time they come over they get lost somewhere in Martindale Gate. Seriously, it'll be like 27 minutes past they time they were supposed to arrive and the phone will ring, "hey John, this is Josiah, we're soooo lost, I think we're in Martindale Gate or something." The funny thing is they say that every time, as if it's the first time. Well, forget this getting lost business. Here's the directions:
1. Leave the down town core.
2. Take Memorial to Deerfoot North.
3. Take Deerfoot North to McKnight Blvd East.
4. Take McKnight Blvd East to Falconridge Blvd.
5. Take Falconridge Blvd past Pizza Hut. Go through the Lights (assuming they're green)
6. Turn left at the next Lights.
7. Continue till you pass a school on your right. O.S. Geiger.
8. Take your next left after the school. Castlebrook Way.
9. You are now on the street where your friends John and Angie live.
10. We're at the end, on the corner. #87.
11. If you happen to get lost, please feel free to call us at 207-1966.
12. See you soon.
John
* Water treatment plants are crucial to insuring that the water of every village, town and city is safe and most importantly, drinkable. Calgary's is consistently the best in the biz but nothing prepared it or anyone else for what they found 2 days ago. Go here to find out.
* If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I’d say Flippy, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong, though. It’s Hambone.”
* The Calgary Flames won last night, beating the Sharks 3-2. For the third year in a row I've picked the Sharks to win it all and I've even gone so far as to bet money on it by choosing half Sharks in my hockey pool. They lost though. To the Flames. *$%$*.
* New Kids on the block are making a comeback. They want their posters back hanging tough.
* For the fifth year in a row, the teens and I are participating in World Vision's 30 hr Famine. Every year we've increased our funds topping out last year at $5000. Our goal this year is to beat that, and we're off to a good start. One of the participants has already raised $1000 himself.
* Sara and Josiah, funniest friends ever, are coming over tomorrow night to watch There Will be Blood. Every time they come over they get lost somewhere in Martindale Gate. Seriously, it'll be like 27 minutes past they time they were supposed to arrive and the phone will ring, "hey John, this is Josiah, we're soooo lost, I think we're in Martindale Gate or something." The funny thing is they say that every time, as if it's the first time. Well, forget this getting lost business. Here's the directions:
1. Leave the down town core.
2. Take Memorial to Deerfoot North.
3. Take Deerfoot North to McKnight Blvd East.
4. Take McKnight Blvd East to Falconridge Blvd.
5. Take Falconridge Blvd past Pizza Hut. Go through the Lights (assuming they're green)
6. Turn left at the next Lights.
7. Continue till you pass a school on your right. O.S. Geiger.
8. Take your next left after the school. Castlebrook Way.
9. You are now on the street where your friends John and Angie live.
10. We're at the end, on the corner. #87.
11. If you happen to get lost, please feel free to call us at 207-1966.
12. See you soon.
John
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Playoff talk and a smattering of other things
I just got off the phone with Kirk Roberts. Kirk was "hoping to talk to Kelly but since he's not here, ok, I guess I'll talk to you John." Kirk is as passionate about his Canucks as I am about my Oilers. We consoled each other for awhile and then that was that. Kirk is my cousin and apparently reads my blog so I figured if people like Kirk take the time to read my blog, perhaps I should update it.
Although I'm pained about my Oilers I have moved on enough to enter into some hockey pools. Today at lunch I picked my 10 and 1 goalie. We alternate picks based on the number we drew so each person picks every 10 players or so. Yep, the good players get scooped up real quick. That being said, I'm the man and was able to still snipe some good ones. Here they are:
San Jose (my pick to win it all)
- Thornton (my first pick)
- Cheechoo
- Michalek
- Roenick
Anaheim
- Selanne
- Pronger
- Niedermeyer
Washington (my dark horse)
- Backstrom
- Semin
Rangers
- Jagr
- Lundqvist (my goalie pick. anyone with 4 consonants in a row deserves a shot)
Sorry Habs fans but they all got scooped up before I even had a chance. Oh, and sorry Flames fans, the day I pick you for anything will be the same day I start lactating.
Speaking of lactating, anyone see the NCAA final last night? Memphis shot like 2% on free throws and in the end it cost them the game. They were leading by 9 with 2 minutes left but Chalmers hit a CLUTCH 3 at the buzzer tying it up and sending it to overtime. The rest is history. 2% is an exaggertation but it went well with my lactating joke.
Besides sports, we finally finished our kitchen cupboards. We ordered them last year, painted them 6 months ago, then took a break before finally putting them up Saturday. I love home renovations, which is why I took so long to put them up. Some things are meant to be savored.
A couple weeks ago we took the family to "the big giant mall" in Edmonton. As I arrived I was greeted by the classic "City of Champions sign." Sometimes irony hurts.
What didn't hurt was seeing my 7 yr old son slide down the 100 ft screamer. Braver boy then I was at that age. When I was 7, I was screaming and banging "help, help, oh daddy please help." I had locked myself in the Grandma Lee's Restaurant bathroom and couldn't turn the door because my hands were too slippery from the soap. (Note: I couldn't rinse my hands off either because I couldn't turn the taps because of the said soap. Later it occured to me that I could have rinsed them off in the toilet.) We stayed in the Igloo room complete with our own jacuzzi and adult movie options, a must for every Family room. I remember the Mall feeling magical when I was younger, now the magic is seeing it in my kids.
As far as what I'm reading, watching and listening to. . . I'm no J bandura but here it goes:
Reading: The End of Faith; Guns, Germs and Steel, Pillars of the Earth,
Watching: The Gilmore Girls Season 6 (I really want to be embarassed here but I can't, that snappy dialogue had me at hello); There Will be Blood, Sam Harris on Youtube
Listening to: Juno Soundtrack, My wife, The Fan 960am
Speaking of my wife, she's pretty much my best friend. Greatest girl ever. To show my love, I tried to Michael Cera serenade her Juno style but apparently it was awkward, which is sooooo un Michael Cera.
I preach April 20 on a topic I have a lot to say about but am hamstrung by the 20 minute rule. I'm speaking on the role the church must have in the Kingdom of God. And no, they're not the same thing.
I have an Elders meeting in about 23 minutes. Apparently they discovered the true identity of the plants growing in my office.
John
Although I'm pained about my Oilers I have moved on enough to enter into some hockey pools. Today at lunch I picked my 10 and 1 goalie. We alternate picks based on the number we drew so each person picks every 10 players or so. Yep, the good players get scooped up real quick. That being said, I'm the man and was able to still snipe some good ones. Here they are:
San Jose (my pick to win it all)
- Thornton (my first pick)
- Cheechoo
- Michalek
- Roenick
Anaheim
- Selanne
- Pronger
- Niedermeyer
Washington (my dark horse)
- Backstrom
- Semin
Rangers
- Jagr
- Lundqvist (my goalie pick. anyone with 4 consonants in a row deserves a shot)
Sorry Habs fans but they all got scooped up before I even had a chance. Oh, and sorry Flames fans, the day I pick you for anything will be the same day I start lactating.
Speaking of lactating, anyone see the NCAA final last night? Memphis shot like 2% on free throws and in the end it cost them the game. They were leading by 9 with 2 minutes left but Chalmers hit a CLUTCH 3 at the buzzer tying it up and sending it to overtime. The rest is history. 2% is an exaggertation but it went well with my lactating joke.
Besides sports, we finally finished our kitchen cupboards. We ordered them last year, painted them 6 months ago, then took a break before finally putting them up Saturday. I love home renovations, which is why I took so long to put them up. Some things are meant to be savored.
A couple weeks ago we took the family to "the big giant mall" in Edmonton. As I arrived I was greeted by the classic "City of Champions sign." Sometimes irony hurts.
What didn't hurt was seeing my 7 yr old son slide down the 100 ft screamer. Braver boy then I was at that age. When I was 7, I was screaming and banging "help, help, oh daddy please help." I had locked myself in the Grandma Lee's Restaurant bathroom and couldn't turn the door because my hands were too slippery from the soap. (Note: I couldn't rinse my hands off either because I couldn't turn the taps because of the said soap. Later it occured to me that I could have rinsed them off in the toilet.) We stayed in the Igloo room complete with our own jacuzzi and adult movie options, a must for every Family room. I remember the Mall feeling magical when I was younger, now the magic is seeing it in my kids.
As far as what I'm reading, watching and listening to. . . I'm no J bandura but here it goes:
Reading: The End of Faith; Guns, Germs and Steel, Pillars of the Earth,
Watching: The Gilmore Girls Season 6 (I really want to be embarassed here but I can't, that snappy dialogue had me at hello); There Will be Blood, Sam Harris on Youtube
Listening to: Juno Soundtrack, My wife, The Fan 960am
Speaking of my wife, she's pretty much my best friend. Greatest girl ever. To show my love, I tried to Michael Cera serenade her Juno style but apparently it was awkward, which is sooooo un Michael Cera.
I preach April 20 on a topic I have a lot to say about but am hamstrung by the 20 minute rule. I'm speaking on the role the church must have in the Kingdom of God. And no, they're not the same thing.
I have an Elders meeting in about 23 minutes. Apparently they discovered the true identity of the plants growing in my office.
John
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
My Oilers
Man what a difference 3 minutes makes. The Euphoria I felt when Glencross scored was nothing compared to the heartbreak I felt when the buzzer sounded and it was still 3-2. Even after Nolan scored I totally believed we were going to tie it up, we sure had our chances.
The hardest part for me was knowing we were the better team last night and because of that, I felt we deserved the win. Tanguay said in today's paper "the Oilers dominated us." I agree.
Hemsky's injury was unfortunate but after a year of 350 man games lost to injury including our Captain, Goalie, Top Defensemen and Scorer, not all that surprising.
In the end, life goes on. Sigh. 2 years, no playoffs. Sigh. And so, I look to the brightside "all the players get to go home to their families." That was Angie's way of trying to brighten my mood this morning. Thanks dear. I feel loads better.
So. . .as promised - Go HABS!
John
The hardest part for me was knowing we were the better team last night and because of that, I felt we deserved the win. Tanguay said in today's paper "the Oilers dominated us." I agree.
Hemsky's injury was unfortunate but after a year of 350 man games lost to injury including our Captain, Goalie, Top Defensemen and Scorer, not all that surprising.
In the end, life goes on. Sigh. 2 years, no playoffs. Sigh. And so, I look to the brightside "all the players get to go home to their families." That was Angie's way of trying to brighten my mood this morning. Thanks dear. I feel loads better.
So. . .as promised - Go HABS!
John
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)