Walmart's coming out with a new line of Bible toys. Scripture quoting Jesus and a few Old Testament characters that did great and wonderful things like Not Being Burned Alive and Having Long Hair (I think they decided against the Samson doll with the bloody donkey's jaw and stained virtue. And the drunk naked Noah, in the cave, with his daughters. Sorry, Noah, that's just grosse. Let's slap on a puffy white beard and stick you in a boat with heart shaped windows. And smiling giraffes. In kid friendly colours. That's more like it, Noah. Smile for the camera.)
I get it. I get that we want good and wholesome toys for our kids. I'm not a Bratz fan, I'm not even a Barbie fan. Even with the New Smaller Boobs and the Career Aspirations. I'm not a big fan of mindless toys that play by themselves, just press the button and watch. So, I get the need for new and different toys on Walmart shelves. But I also get that if someone wants to make a buck, all they have to do is market something to We the Christian Right. Because we like Bible based stuff and mugs with scriptures scrawled across the bottom. Because, apparently, we're the biggest suckers on the planet.
My guess is that the Jesus doll will will sell like mad. People will buy it and tell their fellow church members to buy it, just to show their support to the Makers of the Jesus doll, and before you know it Walmart execs will be rubbing their chins for the next big idea. Bedding (Jesus winking), shower curtains (Jesus with his hands over his eyes), toothpaste (Jesus flashing those pearly whites), interior paint colours (red, brown, blue, yellow- you know the song. The Yellow Coward kitchen paint may not be a hot seller, but it's worth a try), t-shirts (oops, that's been done a million times), food lines (done), travel mugs and candy (done and done).
I don't know. I just want to know what Jesus fed his dog. I want Hugo to have glorious Christian fur and Christian dog breath. Give me a good Dog Bible Verse. Other than the ones that ate Jezebel (although, now that I think of it, that could work as a great name. Jezebits. Clean up the verse a little, make the dogs look cute with cartoon happy eyes, have them frollicking across the bag of food. Jezebel's body could be a minor background blur. Or, just take it out altogether, no one wants to see that, even if she was evil. See how easy? I just made a million dollars.)
Jesus the Cartoon, Jesus the Plastic, Jesus the Corny Lyrics. Jesus the wide grin and white skin, the greatest money maker of our time.
No wonder so many people are looking for the Real Jesus.
Angie
Friday, August 03, 2007
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10 comments:
Wicked post.
Hey, maybe they should make a Jesus doll for atheists: Just an empty, Jesus-shaped package ("Includes invisibility"). Manufacturing and shipping would cost next to nothing. Imagine the profit. ;-)
is the real jesus this cynical and critical? as someone looking for him, i would hope not. that one might turn me off almost as much as the marketed version. not quite. but almost. ;)
Is the real Jesus this cynical and critical? Good question. Obviously its impossible to know for sure.
Although. . .if one takes a closer look in the gospels a guy might find that Jesus just might be, especially as his comments relate to the "religious" of his day.
See Matt 23 - "You sons of hell, you rotten graves, you moldy cups."
Doesn't sound very "Christian" to me.
A re-read of this post will demonstrate that Angie has reserved all her comments for the religious pharisees of today as they cheapen our Lord to make a buck.
The first century businessmen used Doves. We use dolls.
John
"is the real jesus this cynical and critical?"
Read the NT. The answer is a resounding yes. I think Angie's criticism (and "cynicism", if you want to call it that) is totally appropriate in this case.
"...you moldy cups."
Zing! ;-)
This sounds to me like bitter people looking through cynical eyes seeing only cynicism in the beauty that's there.
See Matt 23 - 'You sons of hell, you rotten graves, you moldy cups.'
"Doesn't sound very 'Christian' to me."
I guess it is what your heart and eyes have become tuned to see. I don't see a cynical Jesus. I see a very angry Jesus scorching the hypocrisy of those who were supposed to be caring for his Father's people, but who were "tithing the mint and the anis and cummin" and leaving undone the loving shepherding they were supposed to be providing for the sheep.
I also don't see any cynicism when shortly before his crucifixion (for you) Jesus stood on a hill overlooking Jerusalem with tears running down his cheeks and lamenting, "Oh Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how often would I have gathered you under my wings like a hen gathers her chicks - but you would not!"
"This sounds to me like bitter people looking through cynical eyes seeing only cynicism in the beauty that's there."
Cynicism is the engine of progress. We'd still be stuck in the Dark Ages if all we ever paid attention to was "the beauty that's there."
And I join Jesus on a similar hill, with tears running down my cheeks ....
Thanks for the comments!
I agree with John and Jord on this one. Jesus could be blazingly harsh. Although, I was just venting my thoughts on an issue I find offensive. Just being me. I would never claim to be like Jesus or to be pointing the same finger of judgement.
I don't blog often, but when I do it's about whatever is on my mind. Sometimes it's random or silly or nice and hallmarky. And sometimes it's "cynical, bitter, critical" because that's just where my head is at. Could I stand to be less critical? For sure. But I wouldn't bother with blogging at all if I couldn't be myself in an honest way. I guess I feel I can do that since I'm not imposing my words on anyone.
Basically, don't let it get you down if you catch us on a cynical day. Chances are, tomorrow we'll be writing about something pointless and silly!
Ang
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