The Secret

Apparently, there is one. A secret that is. A universal magnetism that draws things together. Ms. Byrne calls it "the law of attraction." I haven't read her but I think I've experienced what she describes. The basic idea is, humans attract those things that resemble or connect with their present state. For example, if you are a negative person, you will most likely attract negativity. You'll see more of it, hear more of it, experience more of it because you are a draw for negativity. On the other hand, if you are a positive person, the opposite will be true. Rhonda, as she's asked me to call her, has recently made millions off this "secret" and if the hysteria keeps up her little book may be canonized. Who knows.

All skepticism aside, I do think Rhon has identified something worth paying attention to. In fact, I've noticed her secret playing out in my life. Fine, I'll open up.

For the past year and a bit I've been Marty Mcflying my life. Most mornings I wake up, well, all mornings I guess, and after I'm up I drink my healthy green powder OJ thing, exercise if its that time of month, take the dog for a run, shower, kiss the family goodbye, then head to work - scarfing down cold toast with a thin layer of organic jam as I drive. "Because its expensive John, that's why", says Ang. As I drive, I resume the inner monologue from the previous morning asking myself what I plan to do with the rest of my life because as it stands now, life sucks. As usual, no answer comes but merely the reminder that I'm closing in on 6 years in youth ministry, which of course also reminds me that I'm 30 and balding quicker then one would like. I retort, by reminding myself that "Julius Caesar was bald by 30 and look at how many people he killed." I feel strangely better. Although 10 minutes later I'm sitting in my office paralyzed, unable to do.

When I'm at my worst I take the day off and surf which only seems to increase the level of paralysis that I feel -or don't feel I guess. The day moves at a snail's pace and by the time 5ish rolls around I slink back to my mini van, because that's what you buy when you're 30, and head home knowing that once again I was incompetant as a youth minister as I spent 9 hours "ministering" without giving a teen a second thought. As I arrive home, I am greeted by the greatest (and most excited) family you ever did see and after all the hugs and kisses and licks and jumps I collapse on the couch just as Angie asks me how my day was? I'm sick of pretending so I say "horrible." She wants to talk about it but I. . .don't. So I neglect the kids, rebuke the dog, and wonder out loud when supper will be ready. I hate who I am.


As grim as the above sounds that was my life for most of 2006 and a bit of 2007. I was a self consumed, narcissistic, negative bon of a sitch. (no different then saying frick in my books) Because I was that, I drew all that crap to me and the cycle repeated itself. The amazing thing was my exciting family loved me in spite of it all and most days they could still be found excitedly greeting me as I slumped through the door. That being said, all good things must come to an end and so one day as I walked in the house I wasn't surprised to discover that nobody was home. Or so I thought. As I ventured on in everyone was home. And they knew I was home. And that's it. That's about all there was. That's when I realized who I had truly become and knew I had to change.

So I have been. And I gotta tell you, life is gettin good, so much better then it was before. My family is better, my work is better, my lessons are better, my relationships are better and I give my teens multiple second thoughts. . .things are so different.

Yet. . .

I am the same age.
I have the same hair.
I have the same morning routine.
I drive the same van to work.
I work at the same place.
I do the same job.
I come home to the same family.
I have the same wonderings what I'll do for the rest of my life.

So what's my secret?

I've switched monologues.

The new one sounds something like this:

"You're the luckiest man alive John, now live like it!"

John