Mother Theresa's letters

"Lord, my God, you have thrown me away as unwanted- unloved. I call, I cling, I want and there is no one to answer, no, no one."

"Alone, where is my faith? Even deep down there is nothing. I have no faith. I dare not utter the words and thoughts that crowd my heart."


Mother Theresa's words are causing quite the stir, to the point of people questioning her sainthood. I don't know much about being a saint and how that all works, other than the visions and the burnings. A lot of gore and tragedy, really. But I guess it's different now, and Mother Theresa who loved and served and gave for her entire life has been given the honour of sainthood. Without the medeival embellishments of sun like rays eminating from her head and singing to her death in a fire. She didn't need the embellishments because we all knew her. Knew her words and her love and her wrinkled hands, and now we know she had doubts. Major ones, and for some reason people are perplexed and even upset. Maybe a little too much reality, maybe some people want the singing in the fire, I don't know. But I'm convinced that the book of her quotes that John and I have on our shelf would be pretty one dimensional if they came from a woman who had a spotless faith and a gleaming halo. Instead, her words reveal an insight and sincerity that would be impossible without some pretty intense searching and questioning.



I'm not sure exactly how all these letters came out, or why, I haven't followed it that much. I'm guessing it wasn't to encourage the doubting or shed light on Mother Theresa's depth and complexity. And as much as it exposes her most private thoughts, which just seems wrong, I hope that in the end it will inspire and deepen the respect that others feel towards her; a woman who dedicated her life to loving the unloved in spite of her inner turmoil and conflict. Maybe because of it. Without constant assurance of a reward, or even the reward of those she was helping. Without the simplicity of following black and white commandments. A woman of material simplicity, it appears there was nothing simple about her soul. And I love her all the more because of that.

Ang