city sidewalks

I've had the odd moment where I thought I might be slowly evolving into a city girl, only to be harshly reminded that, no, I'm a simple girl. I can only pretend that Calgary is just a big small town. We've been to downtown Calgary twice in the past 5 days (I usually avoid these excursions, but who wants to miss the Santa Claus parade? Not me). During these two trips we've had to step around vomit and Starbucks cups (may be handy for the sick man on the go...), pass several homeless people- one with no legs, before being thrust into the busy world of corporate go getters in their fancies, sternly rushing...somewhere. We also got to help a nice church lady unlock the church doors as she explained how it's continuously broken into and vandalized. It was in the public library for our pre-parade bathroom break that the kids and I found 2 girls shooting up- a very nasty and tragic visual of one of them desperately poking and re poking her arm as her syringe filled with blood. As we were informing the front desk she came running and screaming out of the bathroom. Not something I wanted my kids exposed to at the ages of 8, 5 and 4, but it did spawn several lengthy discussions about poisoning your body and your mind.

I had a hard time getting into parade mode. I was trying to figure out what it was that disturbed me so much about what we saw. It wasn't pity or even compassion and it wasn't anger or a sense of innocence lost. It was seeing people who aren't living. Aren't alive. It felt dark and dead. Now my average day does mostly consist of reading to the kids, baking and taking the dog for a walk, and my idea of a night out is going to pottery class, so I'm sure my lack of exposure to these things breeds a certain sensitivity, but...so much loss. Whether it's losing yourself in a world of Versace and ladder climbing or losing yourself to heroin. Or hopelessness. Or anger. Or workaholism. Pride. Depression. Materialsim. Ignorance. It's something I hate about our very rich, very lost city. It's pretty much why I don't race downtown every spare moment I get. If you close your eyes it doesn't exist, right?

I really was going to do a seize the day thing for the gridblog, but you have to write what you feel. Maybe next time!

Ang

disclaimer- I have no idea if Versace is currently worn- the biggest name brand I wear would be Old Navy or last year's hand me downs from stylish friends. Remember- reading, pottery, baking. Not exactly a happening woman of high fashion.