Growing up I believed in many things. For instance. . .Santa Claus . I remember Paul Wood threatening to tell Santa I was "naughty" if I didn't hand back his comb I had stolen moments earlier. A comb has never been handed back so quickly, an act, come to think of it, that would have come in handy for our Canadian 4x100 relay team yesterday. I was terrified, though, so I had to, knowing I would be presentless if I didn't. My belief had been that strong.
I remember trembling as Paul Quilliams told me tales of a midget living in the pipes at North Weyburn. He warned if I ever told anyone the midget would know and I'd be dead. For weeks I couldn't sleep terrified of that very small and lethal man. One night, when I couldn't take it anymore, I ran into my parents room and told them all I knew about this midget and his pipes. I shook with terror as I uttered the forbidden words. My belief had been that strong.
I remember skating hard, knowing one day I would play in the NHL. Sure I had started 3 years behind everyone else and couldn't skate backwards if my life depended on it, but that didn't matter because I was right wing and determined to excel. I remember the lemon in my throat the day my coach informed me that "I hadn't made the team." Tears still haven't fallen as hard as they did that day. My belief had been that strong.
I remember believing God was real. If I wasn't reading his words in the bible I was talking to him - out loud even - knowing he was listening to every word. Recently my mom told me that I asked so many questions about heaven she feared it meant I would die young. My belief had been that strong.
Scripture encourages us to believe as a child, for only a child will inherit the kingdom of heaven. But scripture also tells us when we become adults we leave childish things behind us, things like our thoughts and understanding even the things we believe.
For instance, I no longer believe in Santa Claus, the man in the pipes, or that I will play for the Oilers. If I did I would be declared insane and be forced to spend time with a therapist. As far as God goes, I still believe, but not as I once did. Now I only see a dim likeness of things. Paul goes on to say that someday I'll see clearly because what I know now is incomplete. I believe him because that's how I feel. Incomplete. Unsatisfied. Like losing in the 7th game of the Stanley Cup playoffs or finding out mixed vegetables is all that's left at the buffet.
I want my belief to be strong. I want to believe as I once did but I'm no longer sure its up to me. I'm not sure its up to any of us. Sure it is, just believe, one might suggest. Ok then. I'll just believe. Wait. How does one just believe? Close their eyes and concentrate real hard. Repeat over and over"I do believe in fairies I do, I do." I'm pretty sure that wouldn't work even if it did for Peter Pan. In fact, I'm pretty sure all the sincere concentrating or uttering in the world wouldn't change the fact that I do not believe in Santa Claus or that there's a murderous midget living in the pipes. I suppose I could choose to believe in those things in order to score more presents at Christmas time or scare someone else with tales of lethal midgets but in the end, all my choosing to believe would accomplish is the deceit of everyone, including myself. This brings me to my point. Finally.
When it comes to beliefs, we don't choose them, they choose us. We either believe in something or we don't. People don't choose to believe in God. They either lie and say they do when they really don't or they pretend like they don't when they secretly do. At no point do they choose because in order to believe in something a person must first be convicted by that something. And conviction is never the result of choice. Its either there or its not.
Have you ever tried to cheer for a different sports team just because you moved? Ever try to convince yourself someone is a good friend when you know they actually aren't? Ever try to get passionate about helping the poor because you thought you should be or because Brad Pitt is? Ever try to convince yourself that special someone was right for you? Ever try to still believe in Santa Claus? How does it feel when you try to believe in something?
As human beings we think we can fake belief but we end up decieving ourselves. Belief is a result of something that wells up deep inside us when the time is right. Like going to Uganda for instance. Before they left, Kris and Tyler and Kori may have chosen to believe that serving the poor was important, but based on conversations and blogs I've had with them since, its obvious they now believe. Is it because they chose to believe? Or did their conviction overwhelm them and the belief chose them? I am at a point in my life where I am slowly returning to the belief of my childhood. Belief is beginning to choose me once again and my relationship with God is climbing to heights yet unseen.
So what are you to do? Wait for the belief moment to come or choose to believe now?
While your deciding take comfort from these words of Goethe.
"Let us seek to fathom those things that are fathomable and reserve those things that are unfathomable for reverence and quietude."
John
Saturday, September 01, 2007
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9 comments:
I agree that we can't choose our beliefs, but that presents a bit of a dilemma for traditional Christianity: Why would a morally perfect God let atheists "burn in Hell" when atheism isn't a choice?
Hey John,
Man this was one of those blogs that show me how low my reading comprehension is. I had to read a couple paragraphs more than once. I think I understand where you are coming from now, but I don't really know what to say.
I can remember people talking about Paul saying nobody has an excuse because creation itself speaks of God's existence. I am also reminded of people who were at one moment unbelievers, and then became believers for one reason or another.
I want to believe that everyone has equal opportunity to believe, but that is really hard. I am pretty sure that if I had been born into a Muslim family, I would be Muslim today. I don’t know, man. Are you saying what we believe is just a product of our environment and experiences, and that we don’t actually play a huge role in deciding what we believe, but that they impress themselves upon us until we conform? So that if I were living in a totally different environment experiencing a totally different life, I would buy into a totally different set of beliefs?
This is interesting, and perhaps unanswerable. What do you think?
Jordan. Which scriptures lead you to believe that God burns people in hell? Do you really think atheism isn’t a choice or were you just saying that?
"Jordan. Which scriptures lead you to believe that God burns people in hell?"
I don't mean literal burning, of course, but something analogous in terms of suffering--i.e., a really bad place where all the non-Christians are headed. Why would God insist that atheists go there if they aren't directly responsible for their lack of faith?
"Do you really think atheism isn’t a choice or were you just saying that?"
Well, I agree with John that beliefs can't be directly chosen. That is, one can't suddenly decide to believe some arbitrary proposition (e.g., "There's a teapot in orbit around Jupiter"). Belief is an unconscious response to experience.
Having said that, I guess we can control our beliefs to some extent indirectly by controlling our experiences. For example, if someone only ever reads books about Christianity, while willfully ignoring anything that promotes a non-Christian worldview, then they're indirectly influencing their beliefs concerning God. Incidentally, how many Christians do you know who have read a single book that explicitly argues for atheism? Very few, I would say. By contrast, most atheists are quite familiar with Christian apologetics.
Anyways, I suppose atheists are indirectly responsible for their lack of faith, inasmuch as they choose to examine both sides of the argument, but why would a benevolent God create a world where impartial inquiry can lead to atheism, which, in turn, leads to Hell?
In a nutshell, Jesus had so much love for children because of their innocence and simplistic, unquestioning belief in God. I wonder if our "maturing" of faith which leads to "questioning" is really just Satan and the world infiltrating our minds.
Having said that, it is definitely an uphill battle for children raised in other types of environments ie. Muslim, suicide bombers, non-believers. I guess this is also why the parable of the lost sheep and how amazing it is when an "adult" becomes a believer and how the "angels rejoice", let alone an adult that loses his/her way and then returns to the fold.
I guess I am saying it is OK to question and search deeper in our faith, but scripture tells us that Faith should be much more simple like that of children. "Blind" faith is much more genuine to Jesus than that of a "scientific" one. "Blessed are those who have not even seen, yet they believe", not "Blessed are those who have studied intuitively, proven God's existence and then believe".
I "believe" that either types of faith will have the reward that God promises.
I also believe the Flames will win the Stanley Cup......two different beliefs, but they contain different levels of faith, indeed.
PS - According to the new jersey's, it appears that the Calgary franchise is truly the "Alberta" team........hmmmm
Good blog
Steve
Steve wrote: "In a nutshell, Jesus had so much love for children because of their innocence and simplistic, unquestioning belief in God. I wonder if our 'maturing' of faith which leads to 'questioning' is really just Satan and the world infiltrating our minds.
...
'Blind' faith is much more genuine to Jesus than that of a 'scientific' one."
That sounds like something written by a backwoods priest during the Dark Ages. I can only hope you're being facetious...
Jordan,
The first part you hi-lited was actually written as a quote from Jesus. But, I know, you don't believe in Him.
I also said that a "blind" faith is much more appreciated than a "scientific" faith.......but BOTH are leading towards salvation....also something you do not believe in.
I respect your comments, thoroughly disagree, but respect them. Most atheists also turn away from the science of archeaology proving the accuracy of the Bible. The argument that the discovery of dinosaur existence disproves the Bible and creation is a farce. Just because "the Bible does not mention dinosaurs" doesn't make the Bible null and void. I am sure there are MANY more things the Bible has not talked about that will be revealed in the End.
Anyway, not being facetious, and would not dare to accuse you of the same. Believe in what you believe, it is your right. My faith is as real as you proclaim your non-faith to be.
Thanks Jordan
Steve, I was leaning towards the difference between Faith and belief too when I read John's comments - so I am glad you addressed it.
People are hardwired for Faith, no matter what we believe. We, all of us make choices to agree and put our confidence in certain principles (athetist do this too). Our belief needs to mature and grow as we do.
Roberta
John, I love your intellectual struggle. Believe me it will never be over, but it will be worth every second of it!
Hey Jordan,
I don't believe in blind faith either. That would lead me to swallow anything. In fact,
I've been fascinated by science my whole life and agree with Sir Isaac Newton who confidently enthused that a study of science would force a man to believe in God.
Hey John,
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on this topic. Very good. I am Sorry though that my husband treated you so... badly back in the days! What a bad boy! Will you ever forgive him for all he did to you???
Crystal
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