The longest comment ever

Note: This originally appeared as "the longest comment ever" on Tim's blog and now appears as a Post because enough people thought it should. Enough people meaning Tim. . .and. . .my wife. Perhaps you should read Tim's "youth minister rant" post before you read this.

Tim is correct, when he calls me a surviving youth pastor. I began my ministry with The Calgary Church of Christ in 2001 and 6 years later I’m still here. When I began I was absolutely clueless which really sucked because the lead minister of our church just happened to be the best youth minister in Canada only years before (in CofC circles). Yes I’m speaking of Troy, who is now the leader of this church. So, its bad enough to fail but when you do it in front of a youth minister guru its much worse. I must give Troy his props. Never did he make me feel like the failure I was. In fact he never stopped believing in me and I think that’s how I survived. Most youth minsters, as Patrick says, don’t last. I think 2 years is the average. The reason for this is many things but the top 3 would be: low pay, lack of respect and burnout due to lack of support. I’ve experienced all 3 but have somehow managed to stay. Why have I stayed? More on that later.
I want to address youth ministry’s function in the church. For many years, youth ministry functioned to protect church kids from the evils of the world - “Better the kids are at church on a friday night then murdering people in the back alleys of our city.” Ok, that’s a bit extreme, but still that was about the extent of it. Youth ministry existed to keep the kids from "badness." One of the many problems with this is sheltering a free spirit only leads to resentment and ultimately rebellion. Teens are free and desire independance and can see right through a church that tries to control them by keeping them from the realities of the world. This is one of the reasons why many teens lose their faith once they graduate, they’ve been raised in a phony world and once they leave that world the real world eats them alive. Often the church and parents then blame the youth minister - “how could you let this happen, you're supposed to protect them from this -what’s wrong with your youth ministry?” Its a valid question but the wrong one. The issue isn’t youth ministry its bad theology and even worse parenting. Parents who have been privelaged to have a youth minister in their church take advantage of this free service by taking a 6 year vacation from nuturing their teens faith. Once their kids turn 18 they begin to show a renewed interest in their teens life but its too late because their teen’s formidable years have just been raised by the system instead of as God says - the parents (Deut 6). Once the teens graduate, they leave the system and are often then very alone. Their parents haven’t helped, the church hasn’t helped, they think they have because they hired a youth minister but they haven’t really helped, where it counts. If you doubt this ask anyone in your church when was the last time they took a teenager out for coffee and just listened to them. In fact, if you do ask and find someone who has reached out, you need to get them into youth ministry because they are one of the few who actually give a rip.

This cycle of bringing teens into the system, helping them flourish in the system, then watching them graduate out of the systen - into a black hole is a cycle that is always going to be there as long as parents and the church view youth ministry as not their responsibility. People even ask me this same question “what’s wrong with your youth ministry John, once your teens graduate, so many of them them seem to fall of the map.” I used to respond in anger, because “how dare you judge me when you didn’t once in the last 6 years show any type of interest in the teens” but over the last few years I have responded much more genereously, yet always the same; “That’s a great question and I’m inspired that you care. I think it would be a great idea if you took that teen out for coffee and asked them that same question.” The response is often the same, people slink away like the rich young ruler as they realize for the first time that they don’t care as much as they should. The good/bad news is nobody asks me anymore.

I realize that much of what I have said is very negative and critical and I'm sure some of you may feel that I've unfairly characterized things. Perhaps I have. But I've done this full time for 6 years and so I think I have earned the right to say what I want. That being said, as bleak as the above sounds, I have been very very fortunate in my youth ministry here in Calgary as I’ve always had enough parents who cared to make the youth ministry a success. I’ve also always had fantastic leaders serving alongside me who have made our youth ministry a success. Even the church has been quite supportive. BUT - there are still parents and a large enough segement of the church who fit what I described above - enough that I figured it warranted me calling a spade a spade. And believe me, the words above are not just my description of my church they apply to all churches of all denominations across the board. Talk to any youth minister and they will tell you the exact same things and may give even worse details.

So why have I stayed?

Two Reasons. First is God. He has never let me leave. I know how that sounds but its the truth. A year ago I even tried to leave but it never felt right. So I stay. Am I hopeful, yes I am. Am I content. Most days I am. Is it because I am a booming success and have 100 teens coming each week. No. Its because through my obedience I believe I”m honoring God.

The second reason I’ve stayed is changed lives. I’ve seen enough to feel I’m making a difference. Even now as I write this with misty eyes I realize that many teens lives have been changed and are being changed, and its not because I’m great but because I’ve stayed. I’ve been there. And for teens, that’s the whole shabang.

John